My Parent a Narcissist!

Posted on February 7, 2019 by Therapist Nicki

Kati, can you talk about Narcissistic abusive parents and how to cope. (I believe I found this question below my 3 types of narcissists video). Before we get into to how to best cope, there are a few things I want to discuss first. Number one, when we grow up with a narcissistic parent what we struggle with most is emotional neglect. This happens most commonly when a parent is a narcissist because they always put their own needs ahead of their child’s. Remember Narcissism is when we demonstrate a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and have a lack of empathy. So having a child isn’t something we can emotionally do (or at least not healthfully). And if we need a lot of admiration and have to feel important, being a parent to a baby and child couldn’t be farther from that. If we grew up with a parent who was narcissistic, this could mean that they weren’t able to do anything more than keep us alive. Forget the cuddles, patience when we were upset, or even them trying to figure out what was causing us to cry. If a narcissistic parent became embarrassed by their child, they could lash out at their child or even their spouse. Therefore, this could mean that as a child you were possibly emotionally or physically abused or at least neglected in many ways.
And as far as treatment, I would consider trauma treatment to be your best option. While I do think therapy in general could help because it’s validating, supportive, and can give you a safe place to talk through all that happened to you growing up, but being abused or neglected in anyway is a trauma and working with someone who specialized in that could speed things along for you.
Next you may want to pick up one of these books. Regardless of who it was, something we will need to do is heal the hole they left in us as a child. When we don’t get our emotional needs met as a young child or baby we can begin to not trust ourselves, how we feel, and what we think we need.
Journaling or writing letters we don’t send. This can be a great way to express all we may be feeling or felt, and any anger or hurt that we may have stuffed down for years and years..
If you live at home.. Please get out ASAP! I have a video about this it’s called “dealing with toxic parents”
Remothering or refathering ourselves. Whoever it was that wasn’t there or abused or neglected us in any way, we will have to heal from that. I believe that trauma therapy or talk therapy in general can help with this, but we will need to spend some time figuring out what messages we wished we had received from that parent, and find other ways to give it to ourselves.

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