I’ve been asked whether or not people with high sex drives can be in successful relationships with people who have low or no sex drives since the beginning of my sexology journey. I was volunteering for a sex education website at 19 and my supervising editor asked for my thoughts on sex drive-discrepant partnerships. At the time I didn’t have solid thoughts about it. I did know that there wasn’t a one size fits all conclusion. Also, I knew that calling them “mismatched sex drives” was a big part of the problem. As I developed my understanding of sexuality and worked with people in these dynamics I came to learn that no sex drives or interests are the same. Just as our appetites are nuanced so are our libidos. The trick is not stress or see them as a mis-matching but to gather your wits and solve this like you would any other challenge of individuality. Different religious or political beliefs, different parenting styles, love styles, languages! If there’s something workable for your unique relationship — great! If there isn’t that’s okay too. Just try not to limit yourself to black and white thinking.
Being together sexually or otherwise should always be a choice. Which means detaching from someone because of sexual incompatibility is not failure it is decision making.
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