How the narcissist keeps grown children dependent on them

Posted on September 28, 2017 by Therapist Nicki
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7 Ways narcissistic parents keep their adult children dependent on them revisited

Certain narcissistic parents will gain their narcissistic supply by making their adult children dependent on them.

You will notice in the examples I give below that the parent is sacrificing the adult child’s long-term well-being for their own gratification and narcissistic supply. This shows their total lack of empathy for their own child, a core component of narcissism.

All the ways I will explain fall under the subject of infantilization. This means treating someone younger than their actual age and is done extensively by narcissistst.

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How the narcissistic parent does this.
1. The parent does not teach the child life skills. instead the parent continues to perform these tasks for the child long past the time when the child should be performing these tasks for him or herself. examples of this could be

– Cutting the child’s meet up for them on the plate when the child is already 12 years old.
– Sorting out an adult Childs paperwork. Such as contracts, passport forms etc.
– Booking an adult child’s airline tickets.
– Not encouraging or discouraging a child from getting their drivers licence
– Making it much easier for an adult child to live in the parents home instead of becoming independent.
– Enabling behaviors that keep the child dependent
– Not utilizing tough love when it is in the child’s long-term best interest

2. The narcissistic parent sets the child up to fail and then rescues them. like the movie “Misery” Let’s mess you up, and then nurse you back to health. They do this because in this way they make you totally dependent on them, and that gives them their narcissistic supply. Also they can look like the wonderful rescuing parent to everyone else, giving them more narcissistic supply.

3. The parent is highly critical of the child’s attemps to perform life skills for themselves, and instead of helping their adolescent or adult child to achieve this skill, the parent viciously criticizes the child in a covert or overt way, and then will totally take the task over without showing the child how it is done. This stops the child from becoming self dependent and autonomous and makes the them feel tied to and dependent on the parent. This drops the childs self-esteem because they feel like a loser. The child then may take on symptoms of learned helplessness. see my video “Learned helplessness induced by narcissistic abuse” for more details on this.

4. The narcissistic parent will emphasize the child’s failings to them and everyone else, then will almost seem like they are boasting about how much of a loser their child is. They will be very free with explaining the horrible situation they are put in with this child that they constantly have to rescue. If you think about it is quite unusual for someone to be so open and almost boastful of such a situation.

5. The narcissistic parent will also set the child up to fail so they can project out their own unexcepted faults i’m to the child and have an opportunity to express their narcissistic rage directed at the child. this then gives the narcissistic parent a cathartic release and a feeling of omnipotent power.
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Disclaimer:
All statements made in this video are expressions of the opinion of the speaker, and should be regarded as such. The video is made to serve a therapeutic purpose for the speaker or speakers and to assist others in recognizing and dealing with matters in their own lives which they believe may be similar. They do not constitute as diagnosis or treatment of any mental health disorder in any person. All decisions made by the viewer are the responsibility of the viewer. Consulting a mental health expert is always highly recommended prior to embarking on any course of action or diagnosis of self or any other individual.
Reference’s made to personal situations by the speaker or speakers may have been modified to make a certain set of general dynamics easier to understand and therefore more therapeutic to the desired audience and in no way constitutes as factual

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