This is the very first time that I have ever blogged. I decided about a week ago that I wanted to do a weekly blog about how I lived my life as a person that has bipolar disease, manic depression, and high anxiety. Most people do not know that there are levels of bipolar. I am considered a lower level.
Each day is a choice. I wake up in the morning and I have two choices. Choice one is to get out of bed, start my day with a positive outlook, and venture forward. Choice two is to stay in bed and not leave the house. For a year and a half I chose the second option. I did not leave my house unless I absolutely had to. I did not interact with anyone unless they came to my home and I had to. One day after two years of this depression I chose to change everything about my life. I enrolled into school, I worked on my marriage, I left the house and became social again. I am still in school, my marriage did not work, but I know that I gave 110% to try and save it, and I have an amazing support system now. I decided to actually live my life. It is not an easy life. I use an extreme amount of energy to be “normal” and balanced.
I was on medication for about a year and the doctor had given me about 7 medications to try and “balance” everything. Needless to say I was walking around in a haze with no emotions about anything while they tried to figure out what combination of medications would work for me. Normally this process would be fine but when you do not have insurance this is a very costly trial and error. After about a year I was done. I was done not having feelings, having no sexual drive, and shelling out money left and right for different medications.
Now I have discovered what works for me to help me deal with life. It has been a hard trial and error to see what works for me and what does not. I like structure, a routine, a planned schedule, and I do not deal with any type of change well.
I am usually a very keep everything to my chest kind of gal but I have decided that if I can help someone by writing my experiences then that makes it all worth it. I am always looking for new ways to grow and by opening myself up and retelling some of my experiences and processing new ones I look forward to seeing what becomes of this.
As you can see this week is all about the back story. I wanted you to know where I had come from so you can understand me better.
Til next week…..